Sabretooth

You know, I don't even have words for this movie. On the one hand, it has a cast-list of surprisingly well-known/successful actors, but this...
It's like they all got drunk at a party and did some horribly incriminating things - maybe bodies were involved? - the director caught them on film, and this is how they're ensuring his silence.

I just... I don't even know how to explain it. The premise is basic enough: scientists have recreated the sabretooth tiger, it escapes into the wild, and we follow the exploits of some campers trying to survive, a hunter who thinks he's chasing a lion, and the scientist who - despite it having nommed a number of people - still wants it alive.

The effects are atrocious. We flip flop from some of the worst animatronics I have ever seen, to CGI that causes actual, physical pain to the eyes when you try to focus on it. The characters are all morons - the one black guy is problematically stereotyped, and at one point even decides he's man enough to go knife-to-tooth with the sabretooth. As in, he... fences with its teeth instead of trying to kill it. Spoiler alert: He loses.

And the final climax? In no realm of logic does it make sense. Yes, coaxing a large predator to jump onto a sharpened stick is an effective way of wounding it, but the force and momentum of its attack would have snapped that twig, squished you, and likely only pissed the kitty off.

I honestly, truly do not have a single nice thing to say about this movie. And yet, it was so utterly, completely retarded that I couldn't help but enjoy myself. Maybe it's just because I could tell from the first badly executed death scene that this movie was going to suck to an epic degree.

Or maybe I just really, really need to try and get back on top of my insomnia.

Who knows. Still, Sabretooth has potential as a drinking game, if nothing else...